As humans, we want the healing, the rest, the fairy-tale, happily-ever-after ending, but we often resist the necessary steps to get there. This wishful thinking comes up in conversations with the women I serve. They want recovery, to be free of the condemning voice of the eating disorder; they want freedom from food rules, and they hope I have a magic formula that will get them there the next day. I wish I had that magic formula and remember wanting to discover it myself in my recovery from an eating disorder.
Life experience and science tell us that healing doesn’t happen overnight. Healing is a process. But it has to start somewhere. While wishing and hoping may be motivators, they do not bring change. Whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, healing begins with an intentional decision to do things differently, to start moving in a different direction.
You may be wondering what honesty and humility have to do with this. As I reflect back on my recovery from anorexia, the first and largest hurdle was to be honest with myself, others and God that I had a problem. That was not easy! I had lived for years, convincing myself that I was okay, I had this under control, I was “eating healthy,” and I was fine. Pride kept me stuck here for years. Thankfully (and yes, I genuinely am thankful), God humbled me and brought me to such a low place that I had to get honest about what was going on. Admitting my need for help and acknowledging that food rules controlled me was the first step, followed shortly after by admitting this need to family members and trusted friends. The eating disorder (always a voice of condemnation) screamed loudly, convincing me I was weak and could fix this with yet another restrictive diet plan. It was anything but easy, but honesty about my struggle with food was the first step toward healing.
Next came humility. Let’s be honest about this term—humility is not something revered in our society. Our social media feeds are full of messages encouraging us to blaze our own trails and to do what seems right and best for us. You be you! And as Frank Sinatra taught us long before social media, we can do it our way. Our culture has become individualistic. Looking out for number one and pushing to get things done “our way or the highway” is fueled by pride. There is little consideration as to whether our actions hurt others, and even if that crosses our minds, we often don’t care. We do what we do because we want what we want. And we are willing to do whatever it costs to get it done.
Recovery from an eating disorder or any other mental health diagnosis or struggle is stunted by pride. I had to humbly admit I needed care, wisdom from others who were experts, and prayer – I needed help. Someone wisely told me – if you could fix this, you would have already done so. She was so right! I had tried to fix this, to get it under control for years, but to no avail. The more I tried, the worse things became. Most importantly, Scripture teaches that God gives grace (the ability to change empowered by His Spirit) to the humble (James 4:6). One who is humble is able to receive help and wisdom from God and others.
Recovery is not easy, but it is possible. There is hope for you (or your loved one) to recover from an eating disorder or to have peace with food after years of disordered eating patterns. Honesty and humility are two of the first steps toward healing. The road forward may contain detours and valleys, but as the old adage says – “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Honesty and humility soften our hearts, allow us to invite God into our struggle and give us the ability to recognize His gentle guidance throughout the ups and downs we encounter. He promises to be with us, and knowing He is with us, we can take the next step without fear (Psalm 23:4). When we humbly recognize His sovereign care and love for us, our faith grows, and we find the courage to behave and live differently (1 John 4:18). Admitting our need for help is not a sign of weakness but of true courage and strength.
It is January, and amid countless ads and influencers trying to convince us to reshape and resize our bodies, you may be feeling worn and discouraged. If you are curious about finding out more about living free from food rules and body shame or need support in your eating disorder recovery, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me by clicking here to book a free consultation or sending an email to info@space4grace.ca